39 week appointment

Ugh. 50% effaced, not dilated - at all.

We had the induction talk with Dr. Chen today. He said he feels comfortable allowing me to go until July 21st. That is 10 days over the due date. I want to give the baby every opportunity to come on his own.

I'm getting kind of nervous about the whole hospital idea. I have very unpleasant memories of being in a hospital when I broke my leg and subsequent surgeries of being in the ICU for blood issues. I really wish St. Louis had some kind of birthing center, but apparently the closest one is Columbia, MO - not an option. I know the circumstances are going to be different (and so will the hospital - THANK GOD) but it makes me really anxious when I think about being in there. I really want this labor to come naturally so I don't have to be hooked up to IV fluids/medications for induction. I want to feel as free and natural as possible, not some medical, sick case.

Brad and I talked about our options and it seems that if we have to be induced that Friday, July 17th is the best date. That way he can stay at the hospital with me and the baby over the weekend and use vacation starting on the day we'd go home (assuming the following Monday). But then I think -- what if Elijah just needed an extra full week to bake in there and he'd come on his own on the 18th?? This is truly going to drive me crazy with all the what-if scenarios. I know I'm thinking about this too much and was warned that my birth plan would not be 100% according to MY plans. But I really don't want any synthetic chemicals going through me or the baby, nor do I want to be a patient at a hospital - I want to be a woman in labor.


aaah....it drives me crazy. I just need to focus that no matter what I will have a baby and the journey that got him out will not be as important as the fact that he is indeed out.